Bancul Zilei

Claudyu04

albul meu se vede cel mai frumos!!!!! :D

Darkinside

cine nu vede textul  sa apese "CTRL + A" ... daca tot nu il vede sa apese "ALT + F4"

misterra

Era odata un barbat care avea trei iubite, dar nu stia cu care sa se insoare. Deci a decis sa-i dea fiecareia cate 5000 de dolari ca sa vada cum ii cheltuie fiecare.
Prima iese in oras si se machiaza de toti banii. Isi ia haine noi, isi schimba coafura, isi face manichiura, pedichiura, tot tacamul si-i zice barbatului: "Am cheltuit banii ca sa fiu frumoasa pentru tine pentru ca te iubesc asa de mult."
A doua a iesit in oras si a cumparat crose noi de golf, un CD player, un televizor si o combina si i le-a dat barbatului. I-a zis: "Am cumparat aceste cadouri pentru tine cu banii pentru ca te iubesc asa de mult."
Cea de-a treia ia cei 5000 de dolari si-i investeste in actiuni, isi dubleaza suma, returneaza cei 5000 de dolari barbatului si reinvesteste restul. Ea i-a zis: "Investesc restul banilor pentru viitorul nostru, pentru ca te iubesc atat de mult."
S-a gandit el mult si tare despre cum au cheltuit femeile banii si a decis sa se insoare cu cea cu tatele cele mai mari.

Claudyu04

io cred ca Gaby vrea sa vada daca se voteaza orbeste :D

andreyutzzu



Un tip si-o tipa, in liftul unui hotel de 5 stele. Cand se intoarce sa apese butonul pentru etajul la care dorea sa ajunga barbatul atinge cu cotul absolut intamplator, sanii femeii. Ca sa isi ceara scuze, dar sa nu fie penibil, tipul zice:
- Doamna, daca si inima dvs este atat de mare precum sanii sunt sigur ca ma veti ierta!
La care, ea:
- Domnule daca si penisul dvs este la fel de mare precum cotul, eu stau la camera 214.


        

andreyutzzu

Un tip vine la ofiterul starii civile sa-si programeze casatoria.
-Veniti peste o saptamana.
-Nu pot ca se insoara tata.
-Cati ani are?
-50
-Si mai poate?
-Da.
-Bine, veniti peste doua saptamani.
-Nu pot, se insoara bunicul.
-Cati ani are?
-95.
-Si mai poate?
-Nu mai poate, dar il obliga parintii.

torresa

ba d c numi apar bancurile apare alb e gol unde e bancu

danieln

ati ratat 1 aprilie cu vreo 4 zile...nu mai are nici un efect farsa acum...

Darkinside

In sfarsit a postat Dicaaa un banc care nu a mai fost propus in ultima luna ... pt ca face progrese ii dau votul meu  :)

Puma ..... ca de obicei ... un banc execrabil ... voturi din senin

noreply

si acum ca toata lumea stie sa citeasca alb pe alb si cunoaste suficiente tehnici de selectie a textului, putem sa ne intoarcem la negru :D

asd

Copii la scoala discuta despre felul cum fumeaza parintii lor.
Ionel: -Tata scoate fum pe gura si pe nas.
Gigel: -Mare scofala, al meu scoate fum pe nas pe gura si pe urechi.
Fanel: -Sa-l vezi pe al meu cand scoate fum si pe ochi.
Bula -Ce vorbiti voi acolo? Tata scoate fum pe gura, pe nas, pe ochi, pe urechi si pe c*ur!
- Ce spui Bula? L-ai vazut tu scotand fum pe c*ur?
- Nu, dar i-am vazut chilotii plini de nicotina!

Convulsie

Duminica dimineata, o stripteuza hotaraste sa se duca la biserica.... in costumul ei de scena. Preotul o vede si o opreste.
-Iarta-ma dar nu poti intra asa...
-De ce? Nu sunt si eu tot unul din copii lui D-zeu? Ce conteaza cum ma imbrac? Am un drept divin....
-Asa e.... si nici stangul nu e rau.... dar trebuie sa fii imbracata decent.

Rzvk

sergiu_cupe esti dus cu vaca mai baiete ca si R.O.M.A.N. :))))..... ce bancuri puteti sa ai propuneti

Rzvk

sa propuneti*..... :)

Convulsie

O ascultatoare intreaba la Radio Erevan: "Tot timpul barbatii mi se
uita la sini...Ce pot sa fac?". Radio Erevan intreaba la rindul lui:
"Da citi ani aveti?". "79", raspunde doamna. Radio Erevan raspunde "Atunci
incetati sa mai purtati fuste mini.

La Radio Erevan se intreaba:
-Are luna plina vreo influenta asupra vietii sexuale a oamenilor?
-Da, in principiu va puteti observa mai bine vecinii, cu binoclul, in timp ce fac sex...

Intrebare la Radio Erevan dupa accidentul de la Cernobal:
-Se poate sa iti cada dintii dupa accidentul de la Cernobal?
-In principiu da dar mai ales daca nu iti ti gura...

Intrebare la Radio Erevan:
-Putem face baie daca avem diaree?
-Puteti, daca aveti destula.  ( da... scarbos)

Intrebare la Radio Erevan:
-De ce unii au chelie si altii nu?
-In principiu toti oamenii au chelie, dar pe unele chelii creste par pe altele nu.    

Iker_LeVyNhO

r0nald0 fa-ma sa inteleg ce ai vrut sa zici acolo 8-| :|

Darkinside

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath
Nurse", he mumbles,from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely...
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?

Darkinside

One night a man, his wife and a friend decided to have dinner together, so after eating they opened a couple of bottles of wine. Upon finishing the wine the friend realised it was late and he should go home, but the man insisted he stay the night, because he was drunk and in no condition to drive. The man finally agreed.
One problem occurred though they had no guest bedroom and their couch was small and uncomfortable. So the man's wife said "Why doesn't he just sleep with us?" The two men agreed and promptly headed for bed.
A few hours after they had gone to sleep the man's wife woke his friend and said hey, wanna have a good time? The man was like NO he'll wake up. She said no he won't watch, so the woman reached over and pulled out one of the hairs on her husbands a** and sure enough nothing happened. So the wife and the man's friend screwed.

Darkinside

About an hour later the wife woke the mans friend again and said I want more. The man decided to test his friend to see if he was awake, so he pulled out another a** hair and he didn't wake up. This happened 2 more times and when the friend pulled out another one of the mans a** hairs the man turned over and said, "Look I don't care if you screw my wife but stop using my a** as a score board!"

Darkinside

A family is on a plane ride and the pilot says "on of our engines died and we are to heavy, we need to throw out all the luggage our we will crash" the passangers comply.
A few minutes pass and the pilot starts speaking again " another engine just went out we need to start thowing some people out or we will crash, we dont want to be racist so we will do this in alphabetical order".
The people agree, the pilot says " will all the african americans please jump out of the plane" nobody gets up, he then says "will all the black people please get up and jump out of the plane" nobody gets up, the pilot then goes and says " will all the colored people please get up and jump out of the plane" nobody gets up.
A young boy looks up to his mother and says "mommy arent we african american?" she says "no son, today we are niggers, we will go after the mexicans"

Darkinside

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years.
One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky.
The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We`re not screwing!" A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.
Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We`re not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks.

Darkinside

Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We`re not screwing!" Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He`s not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they`re screwing.

misterra

O blonda se angajeaza la domeniul public. Trebuia sa vopseasca banda de pe mijlocul unui drum de tara. Seful ei îi spune ca se afla în perioada de proba si trebuie sa vopseasca cel putin 2 kilometri pe zi, daca vrea sa-si pastreze serviciul. Verificand la sfarsitul zilei, el vede ca în prima zi facuse 4 kilometri, dublu fata de medie. A doua zi a fost putin mai dezamagit, pentru ca blonda nu vopsise decît 2 km. Se gandeste ca oricum asta e media si trece cu vederea. Dar a treia zi, cand blonda vopsise doar 1 km, îi spune:
- Ce problema ai? Vreo boala, vreo defectiune a echipamentului? Ce te opreste sa faci 2 kilometri pe zi?
- Stiti, cu fiecare zi sunt din ce în ce mai departe de galeata!

V|p3r_m3n

Ultimele doua sunt... Sincer nici ultimul de la comentarii nu mi se pare teribil :P ( scuze ) . Unul bun ... a lui Dicaaa , sincer :))