Bancul Zilei

alina_08_rose

sunt vechi bancurile. asta e , nu toti stiu

alynabest

=))) naspa si bancurile zilei .....parerea mea :p

Drakoo

primu ia nota de trecere.. da' celelalte is varza..

25

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was
nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

25

Miscellaneous Jokes - Famous Quotes      
    
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.

"But what is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920's.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." - Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. Then literature is full of examples that said you can't do this." -- Spencer Silver, on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3m Post-It" Notepads.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or, we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the unsolvable problem by inventing Nautilus.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." - Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". - Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

25

Deep Thoughts      
    
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?  lol

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?   LOL

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?  LMAOOO

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"  :)))

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be removed?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?



=))))))))))

25

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again, and again they went right though.

This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention to the road, and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Don't you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said "OH SHIT!!! Am I driving?"


HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA :))))))))))))))))))

25

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette & continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

:))

25

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a few
minutes the old man cuts a fart and says, "Seven points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score." After about ten minutes the old man farts again and says,
"Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Now starting to get into it, the wife quickly farts again and says
"Touchdown, tie score." The old man, not to be outdone, strains really hard but to no avail.

He can't fart! So, not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has, trying for one more fart. Straining real hard, the old man shits the bed.

The wife asks, "What in the hell was that?" The old man replies, "Half-time... switch sides."

VexX

daca as fi intzeles vreunul din cele 3 bancuri paote ash fi avut ceva de comentat (de bien sau de rau), ashea cum nu intzeleg nu zic nimik

piticn5

la ce bancuri sunt postate la comentarii... bancu zile e P.R.A.F. Aste e acum, radem de ce avem... SAU NU? :-?

piticn5

bancurile zilei* - reptific pt k sigur se gasesc carcotasi care sa comenteze :|

SONNY

Copilul il intreaba pe tatal lui, ce inseamna politica.
Tatal il pune pe genunchi si incepe sa-i explice dandui exemple:
- Fii atent copilas, eu aduc banul in casa, deci eu sunt CAPITALISMUL. - Mama are grija de bani, deci ea este GUVERNUL.
- Bunicul tau are grija ca totul sa fie in regula, deci el este SINDICATUL. -Babysitterul nostru este CLASA MUNCITOARE si cu totii muncim ca Tu, POPORUL sa te simti bine si sa nu-ti lipseasca nimic.
- Iar Fratiorul tau de cateva luni este VIITORUL nostru comun. Copilasul retine tot ce a auzit si merge la culcare. In timpul noptii se trezeste ca fratiorul lui a facut *** in scutec si plange. Se ridica si vrea sa-i zica mamei ce se intampla, dar aceasta doarme atat de adanc, ca nu reuseste s-o trezeasca. Intra sa-i spuna babysitterului, dar tatal lui tocmai se harjonea cu ea in pat in timp ce bunicul lui tragea cu ochiul prin fereastra. Nimeni nu-l observa, asa ca merge inapoi in pat. Ziua urmatoare tatal lui intreaba daca poate sa spuna cu propriile cuvinte ce inseamna politica. Copilasul isi aminteste de cele vazute noaptea si raspunde:
- Politica este cand CAPITALISMUL profita de CLASA MUNCITOARE in timp ce SINDICATUL priveste neputincios. GUVERNUL doarme, nimeni nu baga in seama POPORUL, iar VIITORUL nostru este in rahat.

ovidiu_rusu94

nu prea vad cei de ras in niciunu :-|

Calinas_jr

Ce incepe cu "F" si te termina cu "UCK" ?

Firetruck.

danutza

I: cate femei sunt virgine in tara noastra?
R: cu-sutele

danutza

- Cum s-a terminat aseara cearta cu iubita ta?
- Pai, a venit dupa mine in genunchi.
- Si ce ti-a spus?
- Iesi de sub pat, lasule...

danutza

La Radio Erevan, un grup de ascultatori intreaba:
- De ce in China femeile merg in urma barbatului, iar in America se intampla mai rar lucrul acesta?
Radio Erevan raspunde: - In China, cand o femeie merge in urma sotului
inseamna ca-l respecta. In USA, cand o femeie face acelasi lucru, inseamna ca-l urmareste.

danutza

La Radio Erevan, un batranel intreaba:
- Cum este bine sa mergi, in fata sau in lateralul sicriului?
Radio Erevan raspunde: - Oricum, numai sa nu mergi in el!

danutza

La Radio Erevan, un ascultator glumet ii intreaba: - Am sa va spun o
ghicitoare, sa vad daca puteti sa-mi raspundeti. Iata ghicitoarea mea:
Intr-o incapere sunt patru insi, din care numai unul lucreaza. Ghici, ce e?
Radio Erevan raspunde: - Grea ghicitoarea, dar noi putem sa va
raspundem: trei functionari si un ventilator!

cainerosupoe

Pacientul operat de Ciomu isi suna seful :
- Sefule , de maine vin la serviciu !
- Pai gata ? Te-ai vindecat ?
- Da , sefu , sunt bine ! Vreau sa vin la munca ! Programul cum mai e ? Tot de la 7 ?
- Da , tot de la 7 , dar tu poti sa vii de la 10 .
- De ce sefu ?
-Pai nu stii ca de la 7 la 10 noi frecam p_ _ _ ??

danutza

Un tanar scotian decide sa inceapa o noua viata in Australia. Asadar, pleaca in Australia, isi gaseste un apartament intr-un mic bloc si se muta acolo. Dupa o luna, il suna maica-sa, sa vada cum se descurca baiatul in noua lui viata.
- E foarte bine aici. Dar am niste vecini tare ciudati. Unul se da toata ziua cu capul de pereti, cel din apartamentul de deasupra sta intins pe jos si nu stiu ce tot vorbeste la parchet, iar vecina de langa urla toata ziua.
- Doamne, mai baiatule, ce oameni ai pe-acolo? Te sfatuiesc sa nu care cumva sa intri in contact cu oamenii astia ciudati.
- Nu, sa fi sigura ca nu. Eu stau in apartamentul meu tot timpul si cant din cimpoi.

danutza

la zooparc ginerele cu soacra ...
ginerele zice:
- vezi acolo dupa gratii hipopotanul acela si uita-te ce GURA MAARE are.
- da, da vad - zice soacra.
- si vezi ca TACE ...

cainerosupoe

Un om in virsta doreste sa emigreze. La completarea
formalitatilor, este intrebat de catre oficialitati de ce.
- Datorita homosexualitatii...
- Cum asa?
- Pai, in timpul nazistilor se pedepsea chiar cu moartea, dupa
aceea cu inchisoare, iar acum este permisa prin lege. As dori sa emigrez pina nu devine obligatorie

cainerosupoe

Tanar frumos, student, nu beau, nu fumez, am o masina beton, casa cu 12 camere, parinti bogati, nu vreau nimic, doar ma laud

cainerosupoe

O companie se decide sa angajeze un nou director general pentru a-si imbunatatii productivitatea.
In prima zi, noul director merge in inspectie pe teren, acompaniat de principalul colaborator. Constata ca toti angajatii lucreaza - in afara de un tanar care lenevea cu mainile in buzunar, sprijinit de un perete.
Directorul gaseste ca acesta este momentul prielnic sa le arate angajatilor filozofia lui de lucru:
-Cat castigi pe luna?
-600 euro.
Directorul ii inmana 600 euro si-i spuse:
-Iata salariul tau pe-o luna, ia banii si sa nu mai pui niciodata piciorul in aceasta companie.
Tanarul lua banii si executa intocmai ordinele directorului. Acesta, mandru de lectia data, intreba un grup de muncitori:
-Stie vre-unul dintre voi cu ce se ocupa acest tanar?
-Sigur domnule, raspunse mirat un angajat, el este baiatul care livreaza pizza!!!
Morala: unele persoane isi doresc atat de mult sa fie sefi incat uita sa mai gandeasca....

cainerosupoe

Suna unu' la EuropaFM.
Comentatoru': Alo, sunteti in direct!
La capatul firului:Alo, buna ziua. Am un anunt important de facut!
-Spuneti va rog.
-Am gasit un portofel cu acte si 25.000 de euro.
-Va ascultam, ne-ati captat intreaga atentie...
-Actele sunt pe numele Marcel Popescu...
-Extraordinar, continuati..
-As vrea sa-i fac o dedicatie muzicala.

cainerosupoe

Cele 4 minuni ale femeii:se uda fara sa intre in apa,sangereaza fara sa se taie,dau lapte fara sa pasca,si vorbesc fara sa fie intrebate

danutza

Cand omul se naste are 2 posibilitati: sa se nasca fata sau baiat. Daca se naste fata e bine, dace se naste baiat, e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa nu faca armata sau sa o faca. Daca nu face armata, e bine, dar daca o face e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa nu prinda razboiul sau sa-l prinda. Daca nu prinde razboiul e bine, daca il prinde e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa nu moara sau sa moara. Daca nu moare e bine, daca moare e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa fie facut cenusa si sa fie aruncat in ocean sau sa fie trimis la fabrica de sapun. Daca il arunca in ocean e bine, daca il trimite la fabrica de sapun e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa fie facut sapun de rufe sau de fata. Daca e facut sapun de rufe e bine, daca e facut sapun de fata e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa fie cumparat de o femeie batrana sau de una tanara. Daca e cumparat de una batrana e bine, daca e cumparat de una tanara e si mai bine, ca are 2 posibilitati: sa se spele cu el sus sau jos. Daca se spala cu el sus e bine, daca se spala cu el jos... nu e bine ca ajunge de unde a plecat!!!

Birau

danutza .. esti mortala ..cel putin pana acum :))

lollipop

Vine o fetita la mama sa si o intreaba:
- Mamico, de ce toate miresele sunt in alb?
Mama raspunde:
- Fiindca sunt fericite.
Fetita adauga:
- Atunci e clar de ce mirele e in negru.

lollipop

Un tip de optzeci de ani se duce sa-si facă controlul medical anual. Doctorul îi asculta inima cu stetoscopul si începe sa se mire:
- Oh oh!
Omul îl întreabă pe doctor:
- Care-i problema?
- Pai, spune el, aveti un murmur la inima. Fumati?
- Nu, spune mosu'.
- Beti mult?
- Nu.
- Viata sexuala aveti?
- Da, bineinteles!
- Pai atunci, spune doctorul, mi-e frica cu murmurul asta sa nu faceti vreun infarct, asa ca va trebui sa renuntati la jumătate din ea.
Uitându-se perplex la doctor mosu spune:
- Care jumătate - privitul sau gânditul?

25

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds
when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting
on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

25

A Doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
The husband gets up in a rage and says, "and you are no good in bed either" and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to phone after many rings and the irritated husband says "what took you so long to answer the phone"?

She says, "I was in bed".
"In bed this late, doing what"?
"Getting a second opinion" she says.



:))))))))))

25

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa
sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat
out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

super tareeeeeeeee :))))))))))))))....ar treb sa opresc aerul conditionat :))) LMAOOOOOOOOOO

lollipop

De ce n-au voie salariatii de la guvern sa se uite pe fereastra dimineata?

Ca n-or sa aibe ce sa mai faca dupa amiaza. ;))

lollipop

Un barbat se intoarce seara tarziu de la o bauta cu pretenii. Intra in casa... nervos bate cu pumnu' in masa si rage la nevasta-sa:
- "FEMEIEEE... CINE E SHAFU IN CASA?"

Femeia scurt ii scapa un dos de palma peste gura.

Barbatu resemnat:
-"Da' ce? Nici macar sa intreb n-am voie?"

VexX

olteanca ( obligatoriu  frumoasa ) si glumeatza....bv danutza

Scarry_Angel

Merge iepurasul prin padure si gaseste doua pistoale.. se intalneste cu vulpea:
-Vulpeo, pac pac(trage doua focuri in aer), in aceasta padure, pac pac, este un munte de rahat, pac pac, pe care o daca nu o sa`l mananci, pac pac, te impusc, pac pac...
Vulpea mananca rahatul si pleaca.. se intalneste iepurasul si cu veverita si cu lupul si intr`un tarziu cu ursul:
-Ursule, pac pac(trage doua focuri in aer), in aceasta padure, pac pac, este un munte de rahat, pac pac, pe care o daca nu o sa`l mananci, clic clic (se terminasera gloantele) il mananc eu


O broasca stand pe frunza unui nufar pe un lac. La un moment dat striga(asa...de nebuna..):"hei, you!" dupa care se arunca in apa, iese la suprafata se urca pe alta frunza de nufar si intreaba "who, mee?"


I: De ce nu se fac prezervativele de culoare neagra ?
R: Negrul subtiaza  


Intr-o zi vine Bula acasa fericit foc.
Taicasu' curios il intreaba care-i motivu'.
- Tata, astazi am avut prima experienta sexuala. Zice Bula cu zambetul pe buze.
- Serios? Ia sezi si spune-mi cum a fost?
- Nu pot ma tata ca ma doare curu


UN american vrea sa cumpere o ferma in Ardeal Face turul fermei si, la sfirsit vede stupii de albine.
-Nu mai cumpar ferma ca mi-e frica de albine.
-Hai dom'le ca albinele sunt bune:fac miere, ceara si dau propolis.
-Nu, ca mi-e frica de albine.
-Uite dom'le facem un pariu: te leg dezbracat de copacul asta si daca te musca vreo albina pana maine dimineata,iti dau ferma pe gratis.
Dimineata il gaseste palid, obosit, vlaguit.
-C-ai patit te-a muscat vreo albina ?
-Nu.
-Atunci ce?
-Nene,vitelul de acolo n-are mama?



Un comis-voiajor bate la usa. Ii deschide un baietel de vreo 8 ani, imbracat cu sosete cu suspensor, avand un trabuc intr-o mana si un pahar mare de vin rosu in cealalta.
"Pustiule, mama ta este acasa?" intreaba comis-voiajorul.
La care baiatul raspunde, "Ce p**a mea, tie asa ti se pare?



Doi copii, un baiat si o fetita se certau. Fiecare se lauda cu ce ii cumparase ma-sa sau ta-su. El zicea ca are masinute, ea ca are papusi si tot asa. La un moment dat el, nemaistiind cu ce sa se laude, isi scoate p*** si, mandru de el, spune:
"Na, din asta chiar ca n-ai!"
Ea insa raspunde:
"Da, dar peste 15 ani tu o sa ai tot una, pe cand eu o sa am cate vreau!"


Veterinarul are zi de insamantat artificial vaci. Baga mana pana la cot in prima, a doua, a treia, etc..
La un moment dat isi sterge ceasul, vede ca e ora cinci si hotaraste ca e cazul se inceteze lucru.
Se uita in spate.. intr-un colt o singura vacuta.
Ii spune: e lasa ca mai e timp si maine, te rezolv atunci.
Isi strange lucurile si porneste catre masina. Aude in spatele lui tropa- trop, tropa- trop.. se uita in urma... vacuta!
- Ce faci mai vacuta, stii, ti-am zis... maine...
- ummmmmmmmm macar un pupic?!


Sper sa va placa ;))

Scarry_Angel

.....si inca o serie :P

Scufita rosie langa patul bunicutei:
-Bunicuto, de ce ai ochi asa de mari?
-Ca sa te vad mai bine!
-Bunicuto,de ce ai urechi asa de mari?
-Ca sa te aud mai bine!
-Bunicuto,de ce ai gura asa de mare?
-Fiindca boul de bunicu-tau avea o *** mare!!!!

larex

Un englez naufragiază pe o insulă pustie şi rămâne acolo 10 ani. Într-o zi o fată frumoasă înoată până la insulă într-un costum de scafandru....
Bărbatul: "Bună! Sunt foarte bucuros să te vad."
Fata: "Bună! Se vede că eşti aici de mult timp. De cât timp n-ai mai fumat o ţigară?"
Bărbatul: "De zece ani!"
Fata trage fermoarul de la un buzunar al costumului şi scoate o ţigară pe care i-o dă bărbatului.
Bărbatul:"Oh, mulţumesc din suflet!"
Fata: "Şi de când n-ai mai băut ceva?"
Bărbatul: "De zece ani"
Fata trage fermoarul de la un buzunar mai mare şi scoate o sticlă de whiskey pe care i-o dă bărbatului.
Bărbatul: "Oh...multumesc mult. Eşti ca o zână bună!"
F ata: (coborând fermoarul costumului) "Şi ia spune-mi, de când n-ai mai avut o partidă...?"
Bărbatul: "Oh, Doamne, să nu-mi spui că ai şi crose de golf acolo !

maya_geea

Doi canibali locuiau la bloc.
Intr-o zi spune primul canibal prin telefon celuilalt:
-Ba mai vino pe la mine , mai jucam o septica o ceva .
- Ba nu cobor ca stii ca mai apar probleme ...
-da' aprind eu lumina iar tu cobori pe raza de lumina.
-Tu ma crezi asa de prost? Eu ma urc pe raza iar tu la jumatea' drumului sa stingi lumina si eu sa cad?

larex

Donald Rumsfeld is giving George W Bush his daily briefing and tells him that three Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq.
George says "that's absolutely terrible", and is lost for words, and holds his head in his hands for several minutes.
His staff are amazed at the response, and the whole room stays silent.
Finally George lifts his head from the table and says:
"Exactly how many is a brazillion?"

ACE

Un tigan merge la cumetrul sau intr-o dimineta.
- Buna cumetre!
- Buna cumatre, ai mancat ceva?
- Da,raspuse tiganul.
- Eh daca nu mancai i-ti dadeam un rachiu.... dar asa ai pierdut.
In ziua urmatoare tiganul se afiseaza la usa cumetrului fara sa manance.
- Buna cumatre, ai mancat ceva astazi?
- Nu, raspunse tiganul.
- Eh,daca mancai i-ti dadeam un pahar cu vin.... dar ai pierdut iarasi.

larex

- Te-ai distrat bine în vacanta?
Alinuta: Da! Am fost cu mama si prietenul ei la mare…
- Si ce-ai facut? Te împacai bine cu el?
Alinuta: Da! Ma ducea în fiecare dimineata cu barca la vreo 5 km de mal si eu înotam pâna pe plaja!
- Si nu era greu?
Alinuta: Nu, era mai greu sa ies din sac!!...

larex

Gaby, ce faci?...dotmi?!...:))))