Bancul Zilei

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Am deszăpezit până acum 2 mașini și mă apuc de a 3-a. Cu puțin noroc, poate o nimeresc naibii pe a mea.

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What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey José.

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I am an alcoholic and I'm proud to say I'm now 200 days sober. I was devastated though when my counsellor told me the days have to be in a row.

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Doi tineri scoţieni se întâlnesc pe stradă. Unul întreabă:
- Cum merge cu facultatea?
- A trebuit să renunţ la studii. Tatăl meu a găsit un ceas de mână stricat şi acum trebuie să devin ceasornicar…

maryjan

neata

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At the liquor store:
"Hey, do you need help?"
"Yes, but I come here instead."

I'm trying to be a more positive person every day.
Today, I'm positive everyone is an a.sshole.

Never do the same mistake twice. Unless he's hot.

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never b.loody will if you don't change your attitude."

There are four kinds of s.ex :
HOUSE S.EX - When you are newly married and have s.ex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM S.EX - After you have been married for a while, you only have s.ex in the bedroom.
HALL S.EX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F.UCK YOU"
COURTROOM S.EX - When your wife and her lawyer f.uck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

Si cu placa te poti da la marele fix, realista4ever :)) !