Bancul Zilei

25

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," told the young woman.

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!"

25

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, - "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"

TokiTokiBoomMaster

hmmmmmm

25

A British Man, a French man, and an American man are on a safari in Africa, and they are taken prisoner by a savage group of villagers. As they're being brought to the village, they are told that death was their only option, however, they each had their choice of the method they would use to kill themselves. The British man requested a pistol, and cried out "Long live the queen!" as he blew his brains out. The two others watched in horror as the savages flayed the man and made his skin into a canoe. The French man was next, and he requested a Saber. "Vive le France" was what he cried out as he disemboweled himself. The American guy watched again what they did with his body, as they made his skin into a canoe. The last guy, the American guy requested a fork in which to kill himself. As soon as it was handed to him, he started stabbing himself violently as he screamed "So much for your fucking canoe!"

TokiTokiBoomMaster

Good ones in english

mirciulica

a mai fost bancu postat la comentarii,numai ca erau schimbate personajele.

25

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.

The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"

Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"

The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" So she pulls up her dress and says...

"My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

25

A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years. Then they could only say 2 words.

After the first seven years passed, he went into a small room where he was given the chance to say his two words to the leadership of the order. His two words were "Too cold." He was given extra blankets.

The next seven years passed and the leadership took him back into the small room and his 2 words were "Bad food." The kitchen changed the menu for him.

When the next seven years had passed they took him back into the small room, and his 2 words were "I quit".

"Fine!" exclaimed the leaders, "All you have done since you got here is complain anyway."

25

A fireman looked out of the fire house window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had his little red wagon, and he had hung small ladders on the side of it, and coiled the garden hose up in it, and he was wearing a fireman`s hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon.

The fireman thought this was really cute so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had. As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his privates.

The fireman said, "Son, I don`t want to try to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog`s neck you would go faster."

"Maybe so," said the little boy, "But then I`d lose my siren!"

25

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

25

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. But being too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part.

Later, he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look long!"

Dany_Dany

3 vamesi la o cafea  se hotarau sa cumpere un cadou  colegului  de servici
-Eu zic sa ii luam un mertz in 2 portiere
-Nu... e prea putin  si are 5 masini
-Atunci ii luam un ceas Cartier si o limuzuna
-Nuuuu... tot e putin...  totusi e colegul nostru de 20 de ani merita mai mult
-Bine atunci ii luam un ceas , o limuzuna si o vila cu 3 etaje si 20 de camere
-Tot ar mai merge ceva
-Eu zic sa il lasam singur pe tura miine . .... la care ceilalti
-Mai  da-l in p**a noastra ce e cam mult

Levynho

bancul zilei ... asta il putea concepe si un copil de 10 ani ;))

asd

Dupa trei zile prin desert beduinul intra cu camiloiul sau intr-o oaza si ce vede ? Un afis mare: ''CASTRAM CAMILOI FARA DURERE". Un gand ii trece prin cap:
''Asta de cand il stiu intoarce capul dupa gagici de erea de doua ori sa ma dea jos. Ia sa rezolvam si treaba asta.''
Se duce la locul cu pricina da banul si asista. Vine ''operatorul'' ia doua caramizi si izbeste fuduliile camiloiului.
Asta urla de durere de se aude in oaza vecina si i se rupe inima beduinului:
- Bine ba, n-ai scris ca fara durere?
- Asa si e, inainte imi mai prindeam degetele!!...

asd

Frumoasa din Padurea Adormita, Tom Degetel si Don Juan discuta:
- Eu sunt cea mai frumoasa din lume, spune Frumoasa din Padurea Adormita.
- Nu nu esti raspund ceilalti doi.
- Eu sunt cea mai mica persoana din lume , spune Tom Degetel.
- Nu nu esti raspund ceilalti doi.
- Eu am cele mai multe amante din lume , spune Don Juan.
- Nu nu ai, raspund ceilalti doi.
Ei se decid sa mearga la Vrajitorul din Oz sa-i lamureasca cine, care si ce.
Vrajitorul ii primests pr rand. Frumoasa di Padurea Adormita iese intr-un minut si spune:
- Eu sunt cea mai frumoasa persoana din lume!
Intra Tom Degetel, iese si el intr-un minut si spune:
- Eu sunt cel mai mic din lume!
Don Juan intra, sta o jumatate de ora si cand iese spune:
- Cine, ma-sa, e Petre Roman asta?!!...

SONNY

bun  bancul  zilei.10  de  la  mine

SONNY

Un vanator pleaca intr-un safari cu soacra-sa si su sotia. Intr-o seara prin jungla soacra se rataceste si vanatorul si sotia pleaca sa o caute. Intr-un tufis o gasesc impietrita de groaza in fata unui leu care ragea din toti rarunchii. Vazand asta sotia zice vanatorului:
- Ce facem acuma?
- Nimic, raspunde vanatorul, leul s-a bagat singur in treaba asta lasa-l sa se descurce...

danutza

I: Care este cel mai bun vin?
R: Vin la tine.
I: Si care este cel mai prost vin?
R: Vin degeaba!...

Unique

The next time you look in the mirror, remember this story....
A school head was alerted by the caretaker to a persistent problem in the girls lavatories: some of the girl students were leaving lipstick kisses on the mirrors. The caretaker had left notices on the toilet walls asking for the practice to cease, but to no avail; every evening the caretaker would wipe away the kisses, and the next day lots more kisses would be planted on the mirror. It had become a bit of a game. The head teacher usually took a creative approach to problem solving, and so the next day she asked a few girl representatives from each class to meet with her in the lavatory.

"Thank you for coming," said the head, "You will see there are several lipstick kisses in the mirrors in this washroom.."

Some of the girls grinned at each other.

"As you will understand, modern lipstick is cleverly designed to stay on the lips, and so the lipstick is not easy at all to clean from the mirrors. We have therefore had to develop a special cleaning regime, and my hope is that when you see the effort involved you will help spread the word that we'd all be better off if those responsible for the kisses use tissue paper instead of the mirrors in future.."

At this point the caretaker stepped forward with a sponge squeegee, which he took into one of the toilet cubicles, dipped into the toilet bowl, and then used to clean one of the lipstick-covered mirrors.

The caretaker smiled. The girls departed. And there were no more lipstick kisses on the mirrors.

danutza

Prin oceanul Pacific trecea un vapor. Unul dintre pasageri ii arata capitanului ca pe o insulita e un om zdrenturos care sare si da din maini. Pasagerul il intreaba pe capitan:
- Cine e tipul?
- Nu stiu, dar de cate ori trecem pe aici se bucura nespus!

Unique

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

danutza

Un tip pescuia la copca. Vine altul langa el:
- Merge, merge?
Pescarul:
- Mmmmm.
- Ai luat ceva?
- Mmmmm.
- La ce dai?
- Mmmmmm.
Asta nervos:
- Ce faci omule, iti bati joc de mine? Eu te intreb si dumneata "mmmmm"?
La care pescarul scoate ceva din gura si zice:
- Ce vrei domle sa imi inghete ramele?

danutza

- Cati ani ai micutule?
- Pi.
- N-am inteles.
- Trei ani si paisprezece luni. Dumneata nu ai facut algebra??

danutza

Doua calugarite au iesit de la manastire ca sa vanda prajituri. Acum se intorc.
Una era sora Matematica (M), si cealalta sora Logica (L).

M : Se apropie noaptea si suntem inca departe de manastire.
L: Sora, ti-ai dat seama ca ne urmareste un barbat de peste o jumatate de ora?
M : Da, ce o vrea de la noi?
L: Este logic. Vrea sa ne violeze.
M: Oh! Doamne! Calculez ca daca vom continua sa mergem in acest ritm, ne va ajunge in 15 minute. Ce putem face?
L: Unicul lucru logic pe care il putem face este sa mergem mai repede!!!
M : Nu cred sa functioneze asta!!!
L: Bineinteles ca nu, pentru ca si el a facut un lucru logic, a inceput si el sa mearga mai repede!!!
M: Si acum, ce vom face? O sa ne ajunga intr-un minut.
L: Unicul lucru logic pe care il putem face este sa ne separam, d-voastra o luati pe acolo si eu pe aici; nu va putea sa ne urmareasca pe amandoua!
Atunci , barbatul s-a decis s-o urmareasca pe sora Logica. Sora Matematica a ajuns la manastire preocupa ta de ceea ce i s-o fi intamplat sorei Logica, dar dupa un timp a sosit si sora Logica.
M: Sora Logica!!. Multumesc lui D-zeu ca ati ajuns cu bine. Povestiti-mi ce s-a intamplat?
L: S-a intamplat ceea ce era logic. Barbatul nu putea sa ne urmareasca pe amandoua, asa ca a optat pentru mine.
M: Si, ce s-a intamplat dupa aceea?
L: Ceea ce era logic. Am inceput sa fug cat mai repede, si el dupa mine, la fel.
M: Si?
L: Din nou ceea ce era logic. M-a ajuns.
M: Dumnezeule, si d-voastra ce ati facut?
L: Am facut ceea ce era logic, mi-am ridicat fusta.
M: Dumnezeule si omul ce a facut?
L: Si el a facut ceea ce era logic, si-a dat jos pantalonii.
M: Oh, nu! Ce s-a intamplat dupa aceea?
L: Pai nu este logic sora? O calugarita cu fusta ridicata fuge mult mai repede decat un barbat cu pantalonii in vine!

PERSOANELE CARE AU AVUT GANDURI MURDARE PRIMESC CA "PEDEAPSA" 20 AVE MARIA SI 10 TATAL NOSTRU!!!

danutza

La etajul 60, intr-un zgarie nori: un irlandez, un mexican si un blond. Ora pranzului. Irlandezul se uita in pachet:
- Iar friptura rece? Daca mai gasesc odata, ma arunc de aici!
Mexicanul se uita in pachet:
- Iar turta de porumb? Daca mai gasesc odata, ma arunc de aici!
Blondul se uita in pachet:
- Iar sandwich de parizer? Daca mai gasesc odata, ma arunc de aici!
A doua zi, la ora mesei: Irlandezul deschide cutia, se uita:
- Nu-mi vine sa cred! Iar friptura rece!? Fockin' life!!!
Si se arunca jos de la etajul 60.
Mexicanul deschide cutia, se uita:
- Nu-mi vine sa cred! Iar turta de porumb!? Puta madre!!!
Si se arunca jos de la etajul 60.
Blondul deschide cutia, se uita:
- Nu-mi vine sa cred! Iar sandwich de parizer!? Mother fucker!!!
Si se arunca jos de la etajul 60.
Dupa trei zile, la inmormantare, vaduva irlandeza si cea mexicana plang pe rupte ca n-au stiut sa prepare pachetul barbatilor. Vaduva blondului le zice:
- Ce va uitati asa? Blondul isi prepara singur pachetul!

danutza

Do you know what FUCK means?
F - flower in love with you
U - unhappy when you are away
C - care for you
K - kiss you
That's why i wanna FUCK you every day!!!!

valbury

An Atheist
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD! ..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving ...

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around...

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL." Said God.

The light went out.

The river ran.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."

V|p3r_m3n

e tare :))

25

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the hot-shot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer cooly said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - for starters, say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" .

"Yeah," the interviewer shrugged, "But you started it."

25

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.

"What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" Santa asks.

"I want a Barbie and Xena," the little girl replies.

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," the little girl says. "She comes with Xena.

She fakes it with Ken."

:))) LOL>..sorry i couldnt not laugh :)))))))))))

alynabest

foarte tare bancul zilei .....ce conteaza k a mai fost, tot misto ramane... =)))

Calinas_jr

Culmea muzicii: Sa ai chilotii atat de gauriti incat atunci cand te besi sa fluiere. :D

Calinas_jr

2 muste stateau pe un ****. Una se bese la care cealalta : " Scuza-ma , incerc sa mananc aici!!!"

Calinas_jr

1 cuplu mergea cu masina cand femeia scoate un cutit si-i taie sula lui(soferului), asta fara sa apuce sa reactioneze, hei ce faci??. Si tipa arunca sula pe geam. Flutura ea in aer cu flutura de obicei si cade pe parbrizul unei masini ca o pata maro fetita din masina, " Vai tata ce e aia mi-e frica?"
- Nu iti fa griji draga, e doar un gandac!
- Inseamna ca a avut o sula foarte mare.

Calinas_jr

    Euro-English Instead of German    
spacer
    
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short). In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'W' by 'V'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
    

Calinas_jr

Ai fi un tampit daca ti-ai lasa fica de 12 ani sa fumeze la masa in fata copilului sau.

Calinas_jr

Ce au in comun un ginecolog si un pizza-boy? Amandoi pot sa o miroasa dar nu o pot manca.

Calinas_jr

2 americani in mexic sau dus sa faca bungee-jumping intr-un satuc din Mexic. Se urca pe platforma, Bob se arunca, elasticul il arunca inapoi sus dar avea cateva zgarieturi pe fata, Bill incearca sa il prinda, dar il scapa, Bob iar cade, se ridica inapoi si mai batut putit botit la burta, Bill iar il scapa, a 3-a oara urca inapoi Bill il prinde, asta deja era aproape in inconstienta, zgariat peste tot.
Bill: - Ce s-a intamplat? Coarda avea ceva?
Bob: Coarda nu avea nimic, dar ce e aia Pinata?

Calinas_jr

Un betiv mergea in zig-zag, ba in zig ba in zag cu masina pe autostrada, cand e oprit de un politist, asta coboara din masina, agitandu-se ca un sarpe.
Politistul: Unde ai fost?
B: La un bar?
P: Pai ai luat cateva la bord.
B: Dap, am luat serios, mi s-a mai zis.
P: Stiai ca acum cateva colturi ti-a cazut nevasta din masina?
B: Slava Domnului, si eu credeam ca am surzit...

Calinas_jr

La scoala profa ii intreaba pe elevi ce au facut in weekend. Bula raspunde:
B: O masina de familie mi-a lovit pisica in ***!
P: Se zice rect, Bula, rect!
B: Rect? Fratee, aproape ii omorase!!

Calinas_jr

De ce la unii oameni le place sa poarte mustata?
R: Ca sa arate ca mamele lor.

Calinas_jr

Un tip se urca intr-un avion langa o doamna decenta. Barbatul stranuta, dupa care isi deschide prohapul, isi baga mana in pantalon se maseaza putin si il inchide la loc. Femeia dezgustata de ce vazuse, a inghitit in scarba. A 2 -a oara la fel, stranuta, baga mana in pantalon, femeia: "Domnule te rog frumos inceteaza ca este foarte nepoliticos si scarbos ce faceti dvs., am sa rog paza sa va coboare din avion daca se mai intampla." barbatul :" Doamna eu sufar de o boala foarte rara, un handicap, si de cate ori stranut am orgasm."
femeia: " Vai imi pare rau pentru dumneavoastra, dar ce medicament luati?"
barbatul: " Piper!"

Calinas_jr

Maica-ta e asa de urata ca ii fuge parul de pe fata.

Calinas_jr

Un mare fan al echipei Steaua merge la meci, dar nu gaseste locuri libere. Intr-un sfarsit vede unul si intreaba, "a cui e locul?"
- Io cu nevastamea ne uitam la meciuri inca de cand Ducadam a aparat penaltiurile alea, dar a murit.
- Imi pare rau, dar nu ati gasit nicio ruda sa vina cu dumnneavoastra la meci?
- Ba da dar nu au venit ca s-au dus toti la inmormantare.

thormy

Cica erau doi rockeri si stateau de vba ai auzit ma ca sa descoperit o chestie numita sapun?-Da ma da' inapoiat mai esti ca eu ma chinuio de 3 luni sa-i aflu scopul!!

Calinas_jr

In ziua de azi nici sexul pe Net nu mai este sigur. Vezi acolo " Blonda, tate mari, nush ce, perversiuni, etc." , cand sa dai click, auzi pe cineva in spate, stai, nu da , are virus.

rocco44

Vine Bula fericit de la inmormantarea soacrei sale si cand da sa intre in
casa, o scandura de la acoperis ii cade in cap. La care Bula, uitandu-se
spre cer, zice:
- Ai si ajuns, scarba?

Calinas_jr

Un tip isi suna avocatul la firma, dar raspunde secretara " Imi pare rau domnule dar avocatul dumneavoastra a murit acum o saptamana", a 2-a zis iar suna, " Domnule v-am mai spus, avocatul tau a murit saptamana trecuta!", a 3-a oara, " Domnule ce nu intelegeti, a murit avocatul dvs. acum o saptamana".
Inteleg, da inteleg.
Pai de ce suni intr-una.
Pentru ca imi place sa o aud.

rocco44

O blonda juca golf si la un moment dat isi pierde mingea in tufisuri. Cat cauta mingea a gasit o broasca prinsa intr-o capcana. Broasca ii promite ca daca o elibereaza, ii indeplineste trei dorinte si blonda o elibereaza. Broasca ii spune atunci ca mai este un amanunt important : orice dorinta a ei se va implini si pentru sotul ei de 10 ori mai mult. Blonda e de acord.
Blonda: Vreau sa fiu cea mai frumoasa femeie din lume !
Broasca: Dar nu te gandesti ca sotul tau va fi de zece ori mai frumos, un Adonis, dupa care se vor uita toate femeile ?!
Blonda: Dar eu voi fi cea mai frumoasa femeie din lume si nu va avea ochi decat pentru mine ! Si broasca ii indeplineste dorinta.
Blonda: Vreau sa fiu cea mai bogata femeie din lume !
Broasca: Dar sotul tau va fi de 10 ori mai bogat ca tine !
Blonda: Ce-i al meu e si al lui si ce-i al lui e si al meu ! Si broasca ii indeplineste si a doua dorinta.
Blonda: Si acum as vrea sa am un usor atac de cord !

Calinas_jr

2 frati se hotarasc sa plece cu barca pe mare, dar se pierd. Dupa o zi de foame si sete gasesc o lampa plutind, o i-au din apa si iese un duh, " Acum ca m-ati gasit va pot indeplini doar 1 dorinta". Da, as vrea sa fie toata marea bere. Marea se transforma in bere la care al 2-lea: " Idiotule, acum o sa trebuiasca sa ne pisam in barca"

rocco44

Profesorul de logica:
- Curtea scolii are lungimea de 52 de metri si latimea de 38 metri. Ce varsta am eu?
- 44, d-le profesor, raspunde Bula.
- Perfect, Bula. Explica-le si colegilor tai cum ai apreciat asa de exact!
- Pai, am un vecin pe jumatate nebun ca dvs. si are doar 22!

Seadog

Un tip vine acasa si-si gaseste sotia dezbracata pe hol facand spagatul . -Ce faci aici draga, intreaba sotul ? -Uite dragul meu ! Am facut yoga aici pe hol si nu mai pot sa ma ridic ca mi s-a lipit vaginul ca o ventuza de gresie.Incearca tipul sa o ridice ,nu reuseste ! Cheama si vecinul sa-l ajute ,nimic . -Nu ai un ciocan sa spargem gresia din jurul vaginului,intreaba vecinul ? - Esti nebun ,zice sotul! O placa costa 150 de euro ! Mai bine ma duc sa chem salvarea ! Pleaca tipul si cand vine ,vede ca vecinul se juca cu sanii nevestei. -Tu ce faci acolo ma ?! -Pai m-am gandit sa o excit sa se umezeasca ,ca asa poate putem sa o impingem in bucatarie ca acolo ai gresie ieftina !

mirciulica

Invatatoarea le explica elevilor ca pe ei i-a adus barza. La un moment dat, Bula se ridica revoltat din ultima banca:
- Adica vreti sa spuneti ca pasarea aia mare, cu pene albe si negre?
- Da Bula.
- Cu piciare lugi si cios rosu?
- Da Bula.
- Du-te dom'le ca nu f**e tata asa ceva!

mirciulica

Bula vine la tasu:
- Tata care e diferenta dintre teorie si practica ?
Tasu filozof:
- Sa-ti explic.
Cheama nevasta, fiica si soacra.
- Bai nevasta daca un arab ti-ar da o mie de parai te-ai culca cu el ?
- Da barbate ca ne-am pune faianta in baie, am pune parchet pe jos...
- Bai fata tatii daca un arab ti-ar da o mie de parai te-ai culca cu el ?
- Da tata ca mi-as lua blugi si geaca si m-as duce la turci...
- Bai mama soacra daca un arab ti-ar da o mie de parai te-ai culca cu el ?
- Da baiete ca as lua o masina de spalat si vase Zepter...
- Vezi ma Bula noi in teorie avem trei mii de parai dar in practica avem trei curve.

rocco44

Un cuplu se cearta in strada:
-Iti voi demonstra ca nu valorezi nimic! , ii spune sotul sotiei, facand semn unui taximetrist si intrebandu-l:
-Cat imi luati pana la aeroport?
-Pana acolo va costa 300.000.
-Si cu sotia mea?
-Tot atat.
-Vezi? Nu valorezi nimic!

rocco44

Batai in usa apartamentului lui Bula.
Maica-sa, iese de sub dus, cu un prosop in jurul corpului si intreaba:
- Cine-i ?
- Draga doamna, s-a întamplat o nenorocire, l-am calcat pe fiul dumneavoastra cu masina !
- Sunt dezbracata, nu pot deschide, puteti va rog sa-l bagati pe sub usa ?

axell

Intr-o zi vine Bula acasa fericit foc.
Taicasu' curios il intreaba care-i motivu'.
- Tata, astazi am avut prima experienta sexuala. Zice Bula cu zambetul pe buze.
- Serios? Ia sezi si spune-mi cum a fost?
- Nu pot ma tata ca ma doare curu.

rocco44

Intr-un compartiment de tren calatoresc 4 indivizi: un american, un ardelean, un oltean si-un bucurestean.
La un moment dat, americanu` scoate un pachet neinceput de Marlboro din buzunar, isi aprinde o tigara si arunca restul pachetului pe geam. Toti ceilalti sar sa-l prinda; cum nu reusesc, incep sa-l certe pe american:
- Pai, bine dom`le arunci bunatate de tigari!...
- Eh, zice americanul, la noi tigari dintr-astea sunt pe toate drumurile.
Dupa un timp, ardeleanul scoate din traista o butelca de palinca, trage o dusca sanatoasa si arunca pe geam ce mai ramane in ea. La fel, sar toti ceilalti cu gura pe el:
- Arunci bunatate de bautura pe geam!...
- Eh, vine raspunsul, la noi gasesti dintr-asta pe toate drumurile.
Mai trece un timp si bucuresteanu` il apuca pe oltean de guler si desi cel din urma se zbatea, il arunca pe fereastra.
- NENOROCITULE! striga ceilalti.Ai omorat omul!
- Eh, zice bucuresteanul asezandu-se la loc, stati linistiti ca dintr-astia sunt pe toate drumurile.

rocco44

Se duce Fat Frumos sa omoare balaurul fioros. Ajunge la grota, paseste darz, apare balaurul cu doua capete. Fat Frumos scoate sabia si i le taie. Imediat cresc alte 4 capete in loc. Fat Frumos le taie si pe aceastea si alte 8 capete rasar imediat. Le taie pe astea 8, cresc alte 16. Le taie si pe aceastea si deodata cresc 32. Munceste Fat Frumos sa taie toate cele 32 de capete, pac! 64. Taie. Apoi 128. Taie. Apoi 256. Taie. Apoi brusc balaurul muri.
De ce?
Era un balaur pe 8 biti !

rocco44

Moldoveanul este ordonanta la un colonel. Intr-o seara colonelul vine acasa beat mort si cu uniforma murdara.
-Castravete, spala-mi uniforma, maiorul Capusa a vomat pe ea. O sa-i dau 5 zile de arest!
Dupa ce a curatat uniforma, moldoveanul zice:
-Dom'colonel, sa-i dati la maiorul Capusa 10 zile de arest!
-De ce?
-A facut si pipi in pantalonii dumneavoastra!

madarusu

un tip cu gagica la zoo.
ajung ei la gorila mascul si el ii spune ei:
-hai draga ridica-ti un pic fusta.
dupa ceva discutii tipa ridica fusta. Gorila incepe sa se agite; tipul:
-hai arata-i si tu un san ceva....
tipa ii arata si gorila e super excitata. tipul o impinge in cusca gorilei si-i zice:
-acum spune-i si lui ca te doare capul!