Joke of the Day

codrul

Sinucigasul incearca sa moara, iar fata mare moare sa incerce!!!

musilica

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

musilica

Waitress, you're not fit to serve a pig!

I'm doing my best, sir.

musilica

“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”

musilica

Green clovers. Blue diamonds. Orange Stars. Pink hearts. Purple horseshoes. Man, I never know if I looking at a bowl of cereal or having another acid flashback

musilica

Hey, this is just too funny not to forward...

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN

musilica

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What’s the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What’s a man, Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he’s aroused, but since you’ve been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

What’s the catch, Lord?"

"Well ... you can have him on one condition."

"What’s that, Lord?"

"As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring ... So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it’s our little secret...

"You know, woman to woman."

musilica

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked,
Bring beer.

musilica

Why Coffee Is Better Than Women
1. You don’t have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.

2. Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream in it.

3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.

4. You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.

5. You can always warm coffee up.

6. Coffee comes with endless refills.

7. Coffee is cheaper.

8. You won’t get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.

9. Coffee never runs out.

10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.

11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.

12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.

13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.

14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.

15. Coffee smells and tastes good.

16. You don’t have to put vinegar in your coffee.

17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.

18. You can always get fresh coffee.

19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it’ll be hot when you get back.

20. They sell coffee at police stations.

musilica

21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.

22. Coffee goes down easier.

23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on weight.

24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.

25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn’t matter.

26. Your coffee doesn’t talk to you.

27. Coffee smells good in the morning.

28. Coffee is good when it’s cold too.

29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.

30. Coffee doesn’t care when you dunk things in it.

31. Coffee doesn’t care what kind of mood you’re in.

32. Coffee doesn’t shed.

33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.

34. You can’t get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.

35. Coffee doesn’t mind being ground.

36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.

37. Coffee doesn’t have a time of the month...it’s good all the time.

38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.

39. When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pube in the back of your throat.

40. Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.

41. Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup.

42. INSTANT COFFEE!

43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.

44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.

45. Your coffee won’t be jealous of a larger cup.

Efe

Un om nedormit de mult timp va ureaza noapte calda si vise dulci.
:*:*:*

musilica

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?

A. It depends on how thin you slice them.

musilica

Why it's Great To Be A Man  
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

Movie nudity is virtually always female.

A 5 day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

Short skirts.

Old friends don't care whether you've lost or gained weight.

Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.

When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at
every shot of somebody crying.

All your orgasms are real.

You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you
go.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

Your last name stays put.

You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

musilica

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still
be your friend.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

You can write your name in the snow.

Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Flowers fix everything.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever
thinking "He must be mad at me".

musilica

The world is your urinal.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

One mood, all the time.

You never have to drive on to another petrol station because this
one's just too mankey.

You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment.