Bancul Zilei

realista4ever

Efectele cutremurului sunt catastrofale! În loc să le pice românilor lucrurile prin casă, au căzut cratimele, gen "sa simtit", "lați simțit?", "mam speriat".

realista4ever

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have ****s bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother
that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:
'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

realista4ever

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea.
I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home.
You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and even into the next morning.
Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...

realista4ever

A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement.
He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, 'Mother of Six', in spite of her objections.
One night they went to a party.
He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouted at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

realista4ever

My postman is a lazy ba.stard. He added me on Facebook, and posts all my letters to my wall..

realista4ever

I asked this hot girl at my gym what her new years resolution was.
She said "FU.CK YOU!!". So I am pretty excited about 2017..

realista4ever

93% of dog owners say their dog has made them a better person in at least one way, a study found.
This same study found that 99% of cat owners say they feel their cat has told them to fu.ck off, at least once, this week..

fara_cont

Femeile...simt orice minciună a bărbaților, dar sunt în stare să creadă reclamele care le promit că slăbesc 20 de kg în trei zile !

fara_cont

My therapist told me to I need to learn to love myself…
That would be settling, though- I can do better than that piece of crap!

fara_cont

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby..
The baby wouldn’t take it, so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”
A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out,
“Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!

fara_cont

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.

maryjan

neata

fara_cont

Stiati ca lipsa se.xului produce tristete si alte chestii...pe care nu vi le mai spun, ca-mi vine sa plang...

fara_cont

Aplicatia Shazam, acum in varianta pentru interfon!
Recunoate 90% dintre colinde si blocheaza usa.

fara_cont

Desi nu mai era nimeni in autobuz, umflata asta s-a asezat chiar langa mine.
- Asculta, i-am zis, sunt 40 de scaune libere in autobuzul asta, chiar langa mine ti-ai gasit sa te așezi?
- Du-te dra.cului de prost ce esti. Cine m-o fi pus sa ma marit cu tine?!?

fara_cont

Trei lei merg la vanatoare.
Se aproprie de o capra incet, incet, pas dupa pas fara sa faca zgomot...
La un moment dat capra ridica nasul in aer, adulmeca, fuge si scapa.
Leii se uita unul la altul si unu zice:
- Deeeeci? Cine s-a basit?

fara_cont

- Cum verifici ce crede nevasta despre tine?
- Stingi lumina atunci când își face unghiile.