Bancul Zilei

Zolly

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”

CCBLC

Vine un tip la casierita de la gara si incepe sa-i arate o miscare cu pumnul de sus in jos si cu mana cealalta face semnul victoriei
Casierita uimita, contrariata si jenata,se duce glont la seful de gara si-i spune acestuia cum face gagiul respectiv la ea, la care seful ii spune serios:
-Da, da-i omului ala doua bilete la Slobozia....

Calinas_jr

Acum 57 de ani, o nava de croaziera s-a scufundat in urma unei furtuni, supravietuitorii fiind doar 7 persoane, 6 fete si un baiat. Toti au fost purtati de curenti pe o insula necunoscuta, nelocuita. Pe insula aveau de toate, izvoare de apa, diverse animale, fructe...nu mureai nici de foame, nici de sete.
Nu a trecut mult timp pana baiatul a inceput sa le traga pe toate, cate una in fiecare zi, multi ani la rand. La un moment dat intr-o pauza dintre partide, barbatul (deja matur) a vazut pe cineva care se chinuia sa inoate spre insula, cu greu, obosit, gata sa se inece. A sarit repede in ajutor, l-a adus la mal, l-a lasat sa isi traga sufletul si i-a zis:
- Prietene, bine ai venit in Paradis.
- Cum asa? Am murit?
- Nu, dar pe insula asta de nu stiu cati ani de zile sunt doar eu si cu 6 femei, iar ele vor sa fie "trase" pe rand, odata pe saptamana, cat e ziua de lunga...bine ca ai aparut ca eu deja sunt satul, 6 zile pe saptamana sa "indes" brebul intr-una iar Duminica sa nu mai am si eu timp pentru mine: sa beau un pahar de vin din propria recolta, sa ma relaxez, sa mai fumez o iarba din spatele dealului, sa mai vanez, sa mai pescuiesc. Asa ca de acum, tu iei 3, eu iau 3, si 3 zile de fiecare o sa avem de lucru la ele, restul saptamanii suntem liberi sa facem ce vrem, betivaneala, pescuit si toleaneala.
- Am inteles, suna minunat...dar stii? E o problema la mine.
- Pai ce? Nu ti se scoala sau ce?
- Nu, mai grav. Sunt ghei.
- Aoleu... S-a dus si Duminica mea libera.