Joke of the Day

drtelus

BUNA DIMINEATA !!!

25

I'll never forget the first time I saw my husband, He was standing on a hill, his hair blowing in the breeze, and he too proud to run after it.

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

25

What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?

Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking, and then next thing you know your house is gone!

25

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older, You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

25

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."
I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

25

Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

You're going out?

Yes.

With whom?

With a friend.

I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.

I didn't leave him. He left me!

You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.

I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.

There are lots of things that you did and I don't.

What are you hinting at?

Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.

You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he
finds out?

My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me,
he probably never slept alone!

So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?

He's not a loser.

A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a
parasite.

I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?

Poor children with such a mother.

Such as what?

With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

ENOUGH !!!

Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!

Now you're worried about the loser?

Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.

Goodbye, mother.

Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?

I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!

If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

25

Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me,
"Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

25

Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?

The cats keep covering them up with sand!

25

Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

She missed.

25

Six stages of married life:

1: Tri-weekly

2: Try weekly

3: Try weakly

4. Try oysters

5: Try anything

6: Try to remember

25

This male prostitute contracted leprosy.
He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.

25

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

25

What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose?

Darling.

maryjan

neatza